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Sometimes in response to a come-on that makes him uncomfortable, Bill squeaks out a patronizingly pat "You, too!"-one of the most predictable, flirtation-killing responses of all time.Bill, a thirty-two-year-old pumped-up advertising executive from Boston, gets aggressive "come-ons" from guys all the time, but he hasn't learned how to respond suitably to them.Even when the guy coming on to him is attractive, Bill gets embarrassed, looks away, freezes up, and acts generally annoyed.Why not cut to the chase and see if his infatuation can survive your cold but concise three-minute paraphrase of today's CNN headline news?This works for twenty-eight-year-old hotel manager John from Dallas, who uses the "current events" bluff tactic to distract initial conversations away from awkward, premature focus on body parts.How do you win the dating game if you're a gay man' After many years of serial monogamy, Dave Singleton went to the front lines to find out, exploring the lives of other gay men who found themselves on the dating fast track with guys they'd met from work, at the gym or bars, and, increasingly, on the Internet.
In front of dates I barely knew, I've had "friends" jokingly point out the social faux pas I made years ago, the disastrous last relationship I had (which they laughingly referred to as Nine Minutes), and the small scar on my leg that they continued to find so fascinating.
It's times like this that make you wish you'd worn your Dolce & Gabbana, rhinestone-studded "Payback's a bitch and so am I" T-shirt to keep them in check. What's important here is grabbing a few minutes alone with the prospect.
How do you optimize the situation and not lose the new guy? You might love your friends dearly, they might be the first people you call from your honeymoon once you and the prospect hit it off, but right now they fit in like a banjo section in an orchestra. Get rid of your friends if the situation warrants it. The "Hurry Up But Hold Back" Factor - Men Want What They Want When They Want It, Don't We?
"For God's sake, let me earn it before you worship me" might spring to your lips. What if he's a great guy who's given in to a brief but curable siege of adolescent hormones? Try to find some shared human experience, so you'll be on a more even keel.
On paper, having excessive compliments paid you might sound flattering, but chances are you'll either miss your participation in the hunt or feel played as if you were the TV and he were the remote. If he can laugh with you laughing at yourself, the flirtation might be salvageable.
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We are rewarded for asking for what we want, and for pushing to get it as quickly as possible.